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I have said on more than one occasion that it should be legal to hit the accelerator pedal when entering a protester zone.

Another day, another protest. I have had it.

My favorite holiday is "Shut the heck up and go to work Day." Every human being should celebrate it. It should cross every racial, gender, and religious line. We can even make the official ritual a duct taping of dolls representing the ten biggest protesters.

While conservatives have attended rallies recently at various tea parties, they assembled peaceably despite attempts to demonize them.

Make no mistake about it. Being a protester when one is a liberal is as natural as breathing oxygen. They wake up in the morning, and they are complaining about something. Even winning an election did not stop them. They are still bitter over the 2000 election and the fact that their right to protest is countered by our right to see them as useless.

I just want to get from point A to point B without being bothered. I don't mind liberal protesters when they throw their temper tantrums in their own homes behind soundproof doors.

It is not the liberalism. It is the traffic congestion. I live near UCLA, where every week brings another cause that nobody outside of UCLA cares about, resulting in one hour drives to travel one mile.

The most recent protest at UCLA came in the form of enraged students protesting fee hikes.

Students are unhappy that they will have to pay more for education, which is not a right to begin with.

Memo to these self-absorbed students: California is broke. There is nothing. Everybody is feeling the pain. Either fees get hiked, or professors get fired, leaving nobody to teach.

(That is a delightful notion for so many reasons, but I will resist the tangent temptation.)

The student protesters had signs that read "California: # 1 in prisons, # 48 in education."

I am preparing a contra sign that will read: "California Students: # 48 in learning, # 1 in protests."

Look at some of these protesters really closely. Of course we need to build more prisons, to house these future criminals. Disruptions on campuses are not "peaceful." Shouting and harassing people is not "non-violent." It is thuggish behavior.

At a healthcare rally recently, some liberal student protesters had signs that said "We can't afford to wait." Other supporters had the Obama platitude signs that read "Yes we can." These people were standing next to each other. They don't need a healthcare plan. They need Barbara Bush's literacy program.

At another leftist rally I was called a "Donkey, Zionist, Aggressor Infidel" for trying to cross the street to my own home. Apparently I was a colonizer. These people do not need a homeland. They need a thesaurus. They told me "Jew, go home." I responded, "This is my home. This is Los Angeles. You have Gaza. You're not getting Wilshire Blvd."

Where do they find these people? Oh yes, on college campuses.

I sometimes bring fake signs to campus and take delight in seeing that the students think my causes are real. Some of them asked me how they could donate to "Lesbian Vegans for Libya."

Persian environmentalist supporters were curious about global shawarming.

Even real organizations are getting ridiculous.

Falun Gong? I have nothing against these people, but this is the United States. Students should not march on behalf of a group if they can't tell me in less than eight billion words what the group actually is.

One protest rally had people chanting "Free Uighurs." This would have been fine except that most of the students thought that Uighurs were things, not people, and that they were being given away. Liberal college students, like most liberals, drop everything for free stuff. Some of the students thought that free Nintendo Wiis were being given away. One aging hippie revolutionary demanded his free Ouija Board.

Several years ago Los Angeles campuses were brought to an idiotic standstill after Kobe Bryant was arrested. "Free Kobe" signs and t-shirts were worn en masse. The problem was that Kobe was free the whole time. He was never in jail.

A friend of mine recommended that we just start combining issues to confuse these simpletons. I now maintain that Israeli settlements combat climate change.

Speaking of change, if ever there was a vacuous, meaningless slogan that got so much traction recently, it was "change."

I would love to see campuses for once try something different. Maybe students could yell, "Hey hey! Ho ho! We support the status quo!"

I honestly do not mind people being passionate. All I ask in return is that they know what they are talking about. Either be silently imbecilic or be loudly intelligent.

I think about this because I had to deal with a Code Pinko protester at the 2008 GOP Convention in Minneapolis. Code Pink, which dislikes Republicans and Israel in proportionate amounts, saw that I was a Jewish Republican, and decided to have a dialogue with me that I never solicited.

"Can't you see that we are living in a police state, and that the police are using excessive force?"

I felt like holding up a big sign that said "Kent State, 2008," but this was no time for wishful thinking. There was no hope for this young girl, but using her as a foil for the reasonable moderates in the middle was my intention. I offered my rebuttal.

"Miss, I can prove to you in 60 seconds that we are not living in a police state."

She was curious, and inquired as to my reasoning.

"Simple. Do you see those police officers over there? Five minutes ago I begged them to use deadly force against all of you, and they wouldn't do it. They said we have a Constitution, and that I cannot borrow their batons or rubber bullets. I tried to be bipartisan, but I am sorry to disappoint you. Neither of us will get what we want since none of you or your friends will be beaten within an inch of your lives today. I will try better in the future in the name of coming together."

To make things worse, the police officers, while empathizing with me, told me that it actually was illegal for me to return the next day and try to shave the protesters' underarms without their consent.

The legal solution for college protesters is twofold. First, they should all be forced to watch a movie called PCU. PCU stands for Politically Correct University. In getting the students to chill out, the lead character has them all chanting loudly "We're not gonna protest."

Secondly, no student should be allowed to protest anything until they show that the money spent on their education to that point will yield a respectable return on investment. As I keep saying, UCLA is in walking distance to my home, and the ROI on these protesters makes the 2008 financial crash seem like boom times.

So I say raise the fees on those not contributing to the California economy rather than tax businesses that are leaving in droves. The bleeding red ink has to stop.

If the leftist college protesters don't like it, then they can simply head down the wrong path and one day get free lodging at taxpayer expense. That is why we are spending on more prisons now.

Now that is status quo I can believe in.

Disclaimer: Entries posted on the Guest Blog reflect the views of their individual authors, and do not necessarily represent the views of the Republican Jewish Coalition, its staff, or officers.